Sunday, May 13, 2012

O Door Ke Musafir....

Everything was over….everything….the pain….the suffering….all over…
First time in my life I knew the meaning of the word “loneliness”….an emptiness that never can be filled !
12th October, 1994….I still remember the day. After remaining in coma for three days, she woke up, my bhabhi put ‘jal’ into her mouth & she passed away….very peacefully.
When my Mom went for surgery in the year 1993; after having been diagnosed for breast cancer, little did we know it was a losing battle she was fighting against cancer. Surgery was followed by chemotherapy & radiation…after a few months of pain & suffering, we came to know that those cancer cells had spread in other parts of of her body !
There wasn’t much we could do….but to see her suffer to the end !
& the end was inevitable….a morning came & she went away….just like that !
Amongst all the relatives who had come for her funeral, I was alone…with emptiness in my heart ….emptiness in my life…
My days had become barren…nights sleepless…memories of her suffering so much pain would not let me rest.
One such night with those painful memories in my mind, tears started rolling down on my face. I just could not control myself. With tears in my eyes...I didn’t know, when I went to sleep….or was I sleeping ?
In the darkness, I saw my Mom coming through the door of my room, which opened into our garden.
“You have come back, Mom….I knew, you would !” I was overjoyed.   
“If you knew I would come back, why are you crying, child ?” She said softly.
She put her arms around me and I went to sleep feeling content….like a child.
I don’t know, how long I slept. It was still dark, when my eyes opened and I was on my bed….alone. Sense of a great loss engulfed me again.
Till date I don’t know, if it was my dream or love of a mother had crossed boundaries of death to calm her crying daughter!  
Today a friend asked me, if I had written anything for Mother’s Day; I told her, “I don’t believe in Mother’s Day.”
Why should there be just a day to express your love for your mother & thank her ? Can we ever repay what a mother does for her child ?
Talking about myself…
My Mom was a typical Indian lady; for whom my father’s words were a command; she would never argue against any of his decision; but I saw her arguing with him... for my happiness ! She used to learn classical music before her marriage, which she had to give up because my father was against the idea of a lady doing any such thing; but when he opposed to my learning classical music; it was my Mom who supported me !
Can I ever repay her for that ?
She was always there for me….specially after the turmoil in my life. She could never forget that once she was on the verge of losing her daughter…not even when cells of cancer had taken away all her senses and she was not able to recognize anyone !
“ What would happen to my daughter ?” She kept asking again and again in those days too !
Can I ever repay her for that ?
Even after eighteen years of her death , whenever I do something; I always think, what she would say to this; or what would be her reaction to that situation…. like the poetry…
Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain
Tum hoti to kaisa hota, tum yeh kehti, tum voh kehti
Tum is baat pe hairaan hoti, tum us baat pe kitni hansti
Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to vaisa hota
Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain........
I miss you, Mom…
O door ke musafir
Hum ko bhi saath le le re
Hum ko bhi saath le le
Hum rah gaye akele.... 


Kishore said...

loss of a parent is always painful.ask dad too went away just like that.12th dec 1996 it was.i was in surat and mom n dad both in bombay.i was in my office n my cousin suresh phoned me that my dad had met with an accident n that i should come at once.that moment a kind of fear gripped me.i knew something untoward had happened.i reached bombay late at night.i saw dad lying on the floor covered from head to toe.that was that.he was hale and hearty.always kept himself was just as if someone had put off the switch and the light was gone.all of a sudden. a bolt from the blue.i still miss him

V. Khawani said...

@ Kishore, really sad !
Your comment reminded me of my eldest bhabhi. She too passed away in an accident, as you must be knowing. She had asked me to come to her shop for something that day; I told her, I'll come in the evening. The evening came with a phone call of her accident & death !
maut mita de chahe hasti, yaad to amar hai...

debajyoti said...

you can never repay her for that. i lost my dad when i was 16. i know how painful it is. for few days you think it's not real.

sad to know about Kishore's story. death without a prior notice is even more painful.

V. Khawani said...

sad to know about your dad, Debajyoti.
It is really difficult to go through all that.

V. Khawani said...

@Debajyoti, a comment from Kishore...
Thanks for sympathising,Debajyoti.u did so even without even knowing me personally.That's why I appreciate it even more.Incidentally was sad to learn that you lost your dad when you were 16.Thats very young age, when children need their parents most.

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